“I Know He’s Ready, But I’m Not”: Trusting Your Mama Gut and Going at Your Own Pace

“I’m not ready,” I would passionately plead to my husband. With my response, I had my imaginary boxing gloves out, ready to battle. What had made me so heated? Essentially, that my kids are growing up, and I constantly want time to slow down. This discussion with my husband has become a recurring theme in our lives. 

Before kids, time flowed differently. I was always looking forward to the future and wasn’t fretting about time slipping away. Since becoming a parent, my perspective has completely shifted. Now, I am hyper aware of the passage of months (likely because we measure our kids' age in months). Each new milestone performed, or pound gained marks a version of my kids that is now gone and never returning.  

This may seem like a grim outlook, but I’m being honest. I now have a love/hate relationship with time. These “I’m not ready” conversations typically start when my husband brings up the question of when we’ll attempt a new milestone with our little one. For instance, when should we transition them from our room to their own? When is it time to wean them off their pacifier? And when will we finally be done with the sleep sack? 

In almost every one of these situations, I wasn’t ready (as you now know), but my baby was. I would sometimes throw that exact phrase into our arguments: “I know he’s ready, but I’m not.” With my first child, I grappled with the gut feeling that time was slipping away too quickly. To counter this, I set my own pace. In other words, I would wait until I was ready, which eventually would come, but usually after my baby was.  

Surprisingly, the time would always come when I would be ready for these big milestones and, at that point, I would feel ready for the new phase. There is no other way to describe it, but that my mommy gut would tell me when the time was right. Our mommy guts have an uncanny way of knowing. They’re like our internal compasses, pointing us toward the next chapter even before we consciously realize it. 

And guess what? Even with waiting until I was ready, my baby turned out to be fine (or at least I think he’s perfect). I’ve had mom friends share similar stories—situations where they didn’t feel prepared for the next baby milestone. My advice to them is always consistent: wait until you’re ready and go at your own pace.  

Parenthood is truly a journey unique to each family, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Trust your instincts, embrace the moments, and remember that your pace is the right pace for your family. 

The one thing I have learned from this process of going at my own pace is that my original grim outlook isn’t an accurate representation of reality. Fortunately, the truth is so much better. 

 With every new milestone, month and year, my time with my son has only gotten better. While it's bittersweet to see him grow older, each new age has been more fun than the last. This realization brings me comfort when I’m confronted with a new milestone and have that “not ready” feeling. I remind myself that what lies on the other side will likely be even better. Instead of clinging tightly, I choose to let go and embrace the goodness of today. 

I hope that this reflection brings you some comfort if you have ever experienced the “I’m not ready” feeling (or had this argument with your significant other). Talking with my mom friends, I’ve realized it’s a common sentiment. Trust your gut and go at your own pace. You and your baby will get there- when you both are ready. In the meantime, take too many pictures, create all the memories, and remind yourself that the times ahead may be even better than what you leave behind.