What I’m Doing Differently with Baby #2
Now that my second baby is two months old, I can confidently say that it's not just a temporary fluke, I really think the transition from one baby to two has been easier for me than when I had my first. Our second is a very good baby, but she still is a baby with needs around the clock. So, what has made this time easier?
I think this transition from one to two has been smoother for us because our lifestyle is already set up to be conducive to a baby. My husband and I gave up late nights, crazy weekends, and spontaneous adventures for 7pm bedtimes, weekends centered around a nap schedule, and strict routines when we had my son. When our new baby came into the world, our family routine was already ready for her.
In addition to our lifestyle already being set up for a newborn, I also think baby #2 was an easier transition for me because I was more confident with what I was doing. When she cried, I didn’t feel helpless. When she was up all night, I knew she would one day sleep. And when breastmilk got everywhere, I knew what to do. Things weren’t easy, but they seemed easier.
I’m sure over the next few months I will share more tricks of the trade and our routines, but I wanted to start by sharing what I am doing differently with my second. Having the confidence and experience this time around has given me permission (not that I should need it) to change things up. So, here are a few things I’m doing differently with baby number two than I did with first (and why).
Accepting Help
With my first son, I really wanted to make sure I was able to bond with him and didn’t want anyone to come over and help. I thought my husband and I would have it all under control (I’m extremely self-sufficient in all other aspects of my life). However, with my daughter, I threw all my pride out the window and accepted all the help that was offered. I let my friends bring us meals and diapers and our friends that lived far away order us dinner. I also welcomed my parents to come stay with us for almost two weeks to help with laundry, meals, and my sanity. I think that help cannot be overestimated enough and is one of key reasons why this newborn phase didn’t seem as hard as the first time around.
Using the Crib for Naps
With my first (which is probably true with any first child), sleep was just stressful. We used a bassinet at night and, during the day, relied on holding him or using his swing for naps. I was anxious about not having him near me and didn’t want to leave him in another room even for a nap. Eventually, we transitioned to doing naps in his crib. With baby number 2, I started these crib naps much sooner (around a month). This really worked for us. Allowing my baby to sleep in her crib for a nap has given me some short time blocks to get things done throughout the day. My baby also seems to really love these naps—having a dark room with the sound machine and swaddling gives her the space to have good sleep vs. trying to snooze in the same room as a screaming toddler.
REST
If I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, I have the hardest time doing nothing. However, with baby #2 I really made it a priority to let my body relax and recover. While pregnant, I dreamed about lounging around just cuddling my baby all day long while on maternity leave. If you have ever had a baby, you know that this is in fact a dream no matter what you choose to prioritize. But I am proud to say I spent more time with baby #2 just “being” instead of trying to get things done. The time with a little baby is so fleeting, and I want to soak up every moment.
Buying the Portal Breast Pump
After successfully breastfeeding my first, I knew that this was also something I wanted to do with my second. However, now that I know what I’m doing, I wanted to have more freedom- the kind a portable breast pump can allow. I purchased the Elvie through insurance with baby #2 & this has been a complete game changer. I already feel like I have so much more freedom and flexibility than I did with the Spectra which I used with my first. The thing I love the most is the size of the Elvie which makes it easier for me to travel with it. I will note that while I’m obsessed with the Elvie, I’m glad I had the Spectra for my first as I got in groove with breastfeeding, since it seems to have better suction.
Not jumping up at the first cry
With my second, I feel like I now know all about active sleep. With my first son, we took the Taking Cara Babies sleep course “First Five Months” (which I highly recommend taking to get some confidence with what to do with sleep) and learned all about active sleep which is where newborns spend about half of their sleeping time. With active sleep, babies will move around, make noises (grunt and cries), and sometimes even open their eyes- even though they are still sleeping! While this is so bizarre to witness, it's completely true. Knowing about active sleep has helped me to not jump at the first little cry (especially in the night) and allowed all of us to get more uninterrupted sleep. On the flip side, with my first, I was ready for action at the slightest noise, and I think ended up waking my son up during some of these active sleep moments.
Soaking Up the Little Moments
Finally, for baby #2, I really wanted to slow down and soak up every little moment. Life goes way too fast- especially with a newborn, so take too many pictures and appreciate all those little scrunched up snuggles. This time around I’m memorizing every moment and really documenting it all without guilt because I know this is a time I will never get back.