9 Months In | 9 Months Out: 9 Things I’ve Learned During this Season

It's been a season of milestones at our house, and reaching the nine-month mark with Kelly Rae feels like a major achievement. This time around, it hit me just as hard as it did with my first child, as it signifies that she has now spent as much time outside in the world as she did growing inside me. It's a bittersweet realization, but the nine-month milestone truly marks the end of the chapter where she transitions from being a fetus to a newborn. Of course, the one-year mark is also a significant milestone, but I'm not even ready to think about that yet. 

As I reflect on my pregnancy journey and, more importantly, the past nine months of having Kelly Rae in our lives and becoming a family of four, I've come away with several key takeaways. During the blur or bliss (however you want to see it) of the newborn stage, it was challenging for me to see the bigger picture. I desperately wished someone could have given me a glimpse of what it would feel like to manage two young kids once I got the hang of it. 

So, in the spirit of sharing my experience and taking the opportunity to reflect on my personal journey, I want to share nine things I've learned after spending nine months with my baby girl. My hope is that you can find solidarity and comfort in some of my experiences, no matter which stage of parenting you find yourself in. 

One: Recovery Takes Time 

In many ways, my second pregnancy proved to be physically more challenging than my first. I gained weight more rapidly, and the added exhaustion of chasing after a toddler took its toll. However, having gone through pregnancy once before, I had some idea of what to expect in those initial weeks postpartum. Determined to have a smoother recovery than the first time around, I made a promise to myself to take it easy and prioritize rest. For someone with my "go, go, go" mentality, this proved to be quite difficult. But after Kelly Rae arrived, I did my best to stay off my feet, ask for help, and grant myself the grace and time needed for recovery. These efforts paid off, as my recovery from the second pregnancy turned out to be much easier than the first. However, in hindsight, I've come to realize that recovery is a gradual process. It's been nine months since giving birth, and in many ways, I'm only just beginning to feel like myself again. It's crucial, especially in the early stages, to remember that both physical and mental recovery takes time. It's important to find the perspective to not rush the process. In the grand scheme of things, nine months will fly by quickly! 

 Two: Being Pregnant with a Toddler is Harder than Having a Newborn and a Toddler 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: being pregnant is no joke. However, being pregnant while simultaneously striving to be the best mom to a toddler (or dealing with the "terrible twos") takes the difficulty to a whole new level. Throughout those nine months, I frequently questioned my decision to have two children. If managing everything was this tough even before the new baby arrived, how would I handle the needs of a newborn who relied on me for everything? Fortunately, I discovered that having a newborn and a toddler was less demanding than pregnant with one. Although it wasn't without its challenges, post-birth brought a renewed sense of energy and mobility, which made navigating those early days with a newborn and infant somewhat easier. So, if you find yourself worrying about how you'll manage it all when it already feels so overwhelming, take comfort in knowing that certain aspects can indeed become more manageable over time. 

Three: Time Flys Whether You’re Having Fun or Not 

Seeing my firstborn grow up from a newborn to baby and then toddler before my eyes has been the absolute best, but also bittersweet. Seeing his personality shine through is amazing, but dang, I wish time would just slow down. With my second little one, its become abundantly clear that time really does fly. Life marches on, whether we're ready for it or not, and our children's childhoods seem to pass by in the blink of an eye. During these last nine months, I’ve really tried to embrace every moment, live in it, and enjoy it. I know it goes fast (and doesn’t hurt that older women constantly remind me of this), but there is nothing I can do to slow it down. Being present, having fun and making memories has become my main focus in this parenting journey because the time is going to fly by whether you're begging the ride to slow down or throwing your hands in the air and just enjoying the experience. 

Four: Quality over Quantity 

I've tried and failed. It's impossible to be in two places at once. And trying to be everything to everyone? Yeah, that's just not gonna happen. This is a heartbreaking realization when you now have two kids who you want to give everything to. When my daughter was born, I obsessed over all the things I couldn't do with my son anymore because time was now divided. My husband and I had to tag-team to survive this new chapter. Honestly, one of my biggest fears during pregnancy was not having the same amount of time for my son once his sister arrived. But now, after nine months of being a mom to two, I can confidently say that while I may not have as much individualized time with my son, it's the quality that really counts, not the quantity. I may not be the one reading him a bedtime story every night, but when I do, I make it the most special time for us, where he has my undivided attention. The same goes for the nights when it's my turn to put my daughter to bed. My son doesn't seem to be missing out, and I've come to realize that I feel like the best parent when I give my all to whatever I'm currently doing and focus on making that time count, rather than worrying about the amount of time. 

Five: A Built-in Best Friend is the Best Gift You Can Give your Kids  

Besides the concern of not being able to give enough individualized attention to each of my kids, I also worried about the dynamic between them when I was pregnant. I wondered if my son would forever hold a grudge against my husband and me for bringing another person into his world, someone he had to share his time, attention, and belongings with. But looking back over the past nine months, I now realize that this worry was unnecessary and a bit silly. My son adores his sister, and my daughter is absolutely smitten with her big brother. The joy on their faces when they see each other and the way they interact truly warms my heart. It seems that neither of them harbors any resentment towards each other or towards my husband and me for the changes that came with their sibling's arrival. Instead, they have each other as best friends. Sure, they may have conflicts down the road, but I now understand that being able to give them the gift of a sibling and a lifelong best friend may be one of the greatest things my husband and I have done for them. 

Six: Twice the Kids Doesn’t Equal Twice as Hard 

While pregnant, I found myself constantly worrying (seems like a recurring theme in this post) about the prospect of taking on double the workload. The thought of being pregnant, exhausted, working full-time, and being a mom to a young toddler, all while envisioning the additional responsibilities that would come with another child, was overwhelming. I doubted my ability to juggle everything and feared that I would inevitably fall short once my daughter arrived. However, I have been pleasantly surprised (and continue to be) by the fact that having two children doesn't equate to double the workload of having just one. In fact, I even wrote a whole blog post titled "Five Reasons Why I Found the Transition from 1 to 2 Kids Easier than the Transition from 0 to 1" to explore this idea further. To sum it up, my life was already structured around raising children, with a set schedule, baby-proofed spaces, and a repertoire of child-friendly activities. This foundation made integrating another baby into the mix much smoother compared to the first time around. So, rest assured, even after nine months of reflection, I still believe that being a mom of two is the toughest thing I've ever done, but I don't believe it's truly twice as challenging as being a mom of one. 

Seven: No Two Kids are the Same 

This particular realization is one that I feel like I'm only beginning to grasp at the nine-month mark. Kids will be kids, but my own children are already so distinct from each other. As I mentioned earlier, being a mom the second time around has been somewhat easier, but not because I could simply replicate what worked for my first child. My kids have different needs, preferences, and personalities. As a result, I find myself parenting them in slightly different ways, tailoring my approach to suit each of their unique qualities. It's a lesson that perhaps shouldn't have come as a surprise, considering how different my own brother and I are from each other, but witnessing the differences in my own children really drives it home. I  love that I can see that Kelly Rae is so different from her brother’s personality even at just nine months old. I can’t wait to see the little girl and human she becomes. It's truly an incredible gift and experience to have the opportunity to raise two completely individual individuals. 

Eight: Their Childhood is also my Motherhood 

Nine months into being a mom of two, I've gained a deeper understanding of the countless things I do for my kids. I strive to give them every experience and opportunity possible, but sometimes I wonder what they truly take away and remember from it all. Will they hold onto the memories of going to the pumpkin patch when my son was two and my daughter was just a few months old? Or will they remember the regular trips to the park, swimming lessons, and the toys they picked out at Target? Part of me believes that these early experiences shape their childhood and build lasting memories, even if they can't recall the specifics. Yet, there's also a part of me that considers taking the easier route, avoiding the challenges that come with tired meltdowns due to missed nap windows. But here's the shift in my perspective: their childhood is intertwined with my own journey of motherhood. They only get to be little once, and I only get to experience this stage of motherhood once too. So, these experiences matter not just for them, but for me as well. These past months have shaped my outlook, reminding me to embrace the adventure and make their childhood and my motherhood the absolute best it can be, even if it means going the extra mile.  

Nine: Being a Mom is the only Job I’m Irreplaceable 

Over the past nine months, my life has undoubtedly become more full. Balancing two small kiddos, work, and trying to maintain my own identity is a constant juggling act. It's usually when I finally feel like I have everything under control that something goes wrong or falls apart, and I'm left with the feeling that I'm failing in all aspects. Despite trying to give myself grace and focus on what I am doing instead of what I'm not, I often find myself forced to prioritize and rank my responsibilities. However, I always remind myself that being a mom to these kids is the one job I can't be replaced in. While others could handle my day job, clean the house, cook dinner, or run errands, no one else can be the mom to my kids. This realization puts everything into perspective and makes it easier for me to let go of all the other balls I'm juggling and concentrate on the one that truly matters the most. In the end, there will always be time for the other things, but I never want to look back and regret not giving my all to my number one job. 

 Wow! Nine months in, nine months out, and nine lessons. I’m sure this is only the beginning and I can’t wait to see what I gleam for the next nine months or even nine years. That’s it for now, XXX McKenzie